The Art & Power of Dialogue
The Art and Power of Dialogue
Since the beginning of time individuals have gathered in community to share ideas, explore possibilities and resolve the issues and challenges facing them. The wisest of these individuals came to know the art and power of dialogue within every conversation. I personally am a slow learner so for me my understanding came later in my life.
In 2000 on a train in India, six of us were gathered in a compartment that in the time of British rule would have been considered a second class car and was now deemed to be first class accommodation. The windows needed a good clean and when closed provided an opaque and foggy view of the world outside. The six berths were somewhat hard and lumpy and our luggage was stored in the remaining limited spaces at our feet. Using the washroom facilities was left to the last possible moment. Suspect of the traveling conditions we had ensured adequate water and our own food to see us through the fourteen hour journey.
Despite the context each of us looked forward to the adventure and our ensuing conversation. Early into the trip my friend Debashis, a wise and wondrous teacher, opened himself to the deluge of curious inquiries we had stored up. My friend, Bernie, a hospital CEO asked, "How do you change the behaviour of people who work together and shift the culture?" Debashis answered, "Start a dialogue."
At the time I felt it was a simplistic and even naïve answer to the complexities of a Canadian health care organization. Today my ignorance still embarrasses me!
In that simple response Debashis set in motion a ripple effect that is still moving out and into the world.
Within the world of thought and through our formal education process we are taught to effectively debate our point of view. We set up debate clubs and the highest marks for essays and papers are given to those who can argue a specific perspective effectively. And yet this approach does little to assist us in understanding one another's perspective nor to bring unity and common, shared solutions easily and effectively to the forefront.
The art of dialogue has existed for eons of time. At the core, dialogue is based in a deep curiosity to learn the perspectives of "other", explore that perspective and to understand. It seeks to find a common truth, a common shared value, a common belief. It is the process of building on one another's views and ideas rather than arguing the deficiencies.
Dialogue seeks to explore all the corners and nuances of what lies at the foundation of the issue. No perspective is diminished, no idea is wrong, and each idea is valued as a facet of fuller understanding. Dialogue respects the wisdom in each person and by exploring multiple views moves towards unexpected solutions.
Dialogue requires discipline. It demands that we suspend our "come back" to a view point different than our own. It demands a form of listening in which curiosity is the driver. It demands that the "other" is more important than self and that what lies in the heart is as important as the mind. That intuition and feelings hold as much value as words and ideas. It truly is an art.
What I have learned since first embracing the concept of "dialogue" is that my own ego-centric nature can be tamed and focused in a direction of contribution to other. In listening deeply and withholding judgment, a new world of possibility opens up. I can see where there is pain and suffering; joy and fulfillment. In fact, there rarely is a need to insist upon my solution any more. Rather this meaningful dialogue leads inevitably to solutions that respect each person involved while acknowledging choices to be made and options to consider.
Dialogue humbles me. Again and again as I listen, truly listen to others I am amazed at the magic. Out of attention to one another comes a new awareness, new possibilities and new opportunities. It holds great power to unite and heal.
Each of us has the capacity to sit with friends, family, colleagues and associates in this new way. We can set aside our need to "be right" as an individual so we can "do right" as a collective. We can begin to discover the deep innate wisdom that lies inside. We can make room for the introvert, the quiet ones who when the room gets still and silent find the place and space to speak what is so for them.
Dialogue provides the spaciousness to explore and expand, to dream and discover. In this place no one needs to win and therefore there are no losers. It is a co-active process where the intention is simply to explore every perspective with no pre-determined outcome.
It does require us to let go of our personal agenda and need to have our ideas prevail. It requires a beginner's mind, open and flexible. It requires us to still and center ourselves so we may truly hear another.
As parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, sibling and friend, imagine if the next time a challenge arose, a topic broached the first words you spoke were, "What is your perspective?" The second, "Tell me more." and the third, "What else do you think and feel?" What a different way to be with another!
If we stayed in dialogue until we truly understood the other, how much room would there be for conflict? Debate is a game of the mind of ideas and dialogue is the life stream of community, living and sharing, working towards harmony and understanding. It holds in it the art and power to transform, to create the space and place where peace can begin.